Personal Statements

Alicia Heath-Toby and Saundra Toby-Heath

Alicia, 41 years old and Saundra 50, have been a loving and committed couple for 15 years. They live in Newark, New Jersey and consider their church, Newark's Liberation In Truth Unity Fellowship Church, their extended family. Alicia is an ordained Minister and Saundra; an usher. In addition to attending services on Sunday afternoon, the couple participates in church cookouts, picnics, dances, and many other activities. They are the proud grandparents of 5. Saundra is a dispatcher for Fed Ex, was born in Newark, and has lived in New Jersey all her life. Alicia, born in the Bronx; a native of Spanish Harlem, but now a long-time New Jersey resident, is an outreach coordinator and HIV educator for their church's HIV prevention program.

We have been a loving and committed couple for 15 years. We live in Newark, New Jersey, and our church, Liberation In Truth Unity Fellowship Church, is a part of our extended family. We attend church services and participate in church events, and we are active in our community.

For us, marriage is not a political issue or an academic issue. This is a real issue about our lives. Our burdens are heavier and our expenses are greater simply because we can't get legally married. We can't get family health insurance, so we have to pay two deductibles instead of one. And in order to protect ourselves in case something happens to one of us, we have to go through the expense of hiring a lawyer to prepare legal documents. We have to go through all that just to get the same legal protection that most couples get when they say "I do."

Our relationship is just like many others. We take care of each other. We think about what the other needs. We work at our jobs, and we pay our taxes. But if something should happen to one of us, all that can mean nothing if the state, the hospital, the insurance company, or the employer doesn't recognize our rights. We pay first-class taxes, but were treated like second-class citizens.

We are your neighbors next door. We ride the bus and subway with you. We sit next to you at lunch. We work next to you. We have a home, two sons and 5 grandchildren. And we have a family.

If two complete strangers met each other last week and got legally married today, they would have more rights under the law than our relationship has after 15 years of being together. That's not fair, and that's why we're here today.